It’s no secret that men and women communicate differently – but is there really no way to translate Mars talk to Venus speak? Dr. B. Janet Hibbs, a psychologist and couples therapist, says there’s hope as long as you’re willing to adjust your “filter” – a.k.a. the part of your brain that processes what he says, spins it around and reacts to it. Ready for a practice run? Here are six common communication problems in relationships。

人人都知道男人和女人的表達(dá)方式不同——但真的沒有辦法讓“金星”聽懂“火星”的話嗎?心理學(xué)家兼伴侶治療師B。珍妮特·希布斯博士說，只要你愿意調(diào)整你的“過濾器”——即大腦中處理他所說的話，翻來覆去想一下，然后再做出回應(yīng)的那部分——就有希望。準(zhǔn)備練習(xí)一下嗎?這里有六種在伴侶關(guān)系中經(jīng)常出現(xiàn)的交流問題。

WHAT HE SAYS: “I’m sorry you feel that way。”

WHAT YOU HEAR: “You’re being a psycho。”

WHAT HE MEANS: “I just really want this argument to be over。” Women like to hash things out, talking issues through from start to finish. Guys, on the other hand, have much more of a flight instinct when it comes to confrontation – especially if he doesn’t fully understand why you’re so upset。

他說：“你那么想我感到很抱歉。”

你的理解：“你神經(jīng)兮兮的。”

他的意思是：“我真的不想再吵了。”女人們喜歡刨根問底，將問題從頭到尾說清楚。而另一方面，當(dāng)發(fā)生沖突時(shí)，男人們本能地更想要逃避——尤其是當(dāng)他不能充分地理解你為什么如此不悅的時(shí)候。

WHAT HE SAYS: “If you feel undervalued, ask for a raise。”

WHAT YOU HEAR: “Ugh, your problems are so simple – just fix it。”

WHAT HE MEANS: “Work’s bothering you? Let me help!” The truth is, men tend to see themselves as problem solvers in romantic relationships, and so what comes across as condescending1 can actually be your guy’s way of trying to help。

他說：“如果你覺得報(bào)酬低，可以要求加薪。”

你的理解：“哎，你的問題這么簡(jiǎn)單——只要解決就好了。”

他的意思是：“工作讓你感到困擾嗎?讓我來幫助你!”事實(shí)上，在戀愛關(guān)系中，男人往往視他們自己為問題解決者，所以他看起來傲慢的表現(xiàn)實(shí)際上是你的男人在試圖幫助你的方式。

WHAT HE SAYS: “Uh huh. Right. Yeah。”

WHAT YOU HEAR: “I couldn’t be less interested in what you’re saying。”

WHAT HE MEANS: “I want to hear your story, but it’s been 10 minutes and still no punch line2.” Men don’t process information in the lengthy way that women do, so telling him a story in the drawn-out way you would to one of your girlfriends isn’t going to work. In short, cut to the chase and you’ll get more of a reaction。

他說：“嗯哼。對(duì)。是的。”

你的理解：“我對(duì)你所說的事情一點(diǎn)都不感興趣。”

他的意思是：“我想聽你的故事，但十分鐘過去了你還是沒說出個(gè)所以然來。”女人處理的信息冗長(zhǎng)，而男人不是這樣，所以像跟你的一個(gè)姐妹淘閑聊那樣沒完沒了地講給他聽是行不通的。總之，說話直截了當(dāng)，你會(huì)得到更多回應(yīng)。

WHAT HE SAYS: “I didn’t tell you about the layoffs?”

WHAT YOU HEAR: “My job’s in jeopardy and I didn’t even bother to tell you。”

WHAT HE MEANS: “I didn’t want to worry you。” Most men don’t like to advertise their fears or what they might perceive as weaknesses – especially to the person they feel they need to protect (that’s you)。

他說：“我沒告訴你裁員嗎?”

你的理解：“我的工作不保了，我甚至懶得告訴你。”

他的意思是：“我不想讓你擔(dān)心。”大多數(shù)男人不喜歡將他們的恐懼或他們認(rèn)為是自己弱點(diǎn)的地方公之于眾——特別是對(duì)他們覺得需要保護(hù)的人(就是你)。

WHAT HE SAYS: “It’s not a big deal。”

WHAT YOU HEAR: “How trivial。”

WHAT HE MEANS: “Let’s not dwell on it。” Men come from the school of suck-it-up, while women tend to need more reassurance if something is bothering them。

他說：“沒什么大不了的。”

你的理解：“多大點(diǎn)事兒啊。”

他的意思是：“我們不要老想它了。”男人們是從“不抱怨”學(xué)校畢業(yè)的，而女人如果碰到什么事煩擾她們，往往需要更多安慰。

WHAT HE SAYS: “I need some space。”

WHAT YOU HEAR: “I don’t want to be with you。”

WHAT HE MEANS: “I care about you, but I also want some more independence。” In many romantic relationships, men use this blanket phrase instead of being more specific, as in: “I love the connection we have, but I miss spending time with my friends as well。” Use your judgment: If he’s still being affectionate and just feels a bit smothered3, give him some breathing room. However, if you’re only hanging out once a week to begin with, it might just be that he wants to end things – in which case, walk away。

他說：“我需要一些空間。”

你的理解：“我不想和你在一起了。”

他的意思是：“我關(guān)心你，但我也想要更多的獨(dú)立空間。”在很多戀愛關(guān)系中，男人們都會(huì)說這種模棱兩可的話，而不是說得更詳盡，比如，“我喜歡我們之間的關(guān)系，但我也想念跟朋友們相處的時(shí)間。”運(yùn)用你的判斷力：如果他仍愛你，只是覺得有點(diǎn)透不過氣，那就給他一些喘息的空間吧。但是，如果前提是你每周只和他出去玩一次，那么這可能是他想結(jié)束關(guān)系的訊號(hào)——如果是這種情況，還是離開他為好。

詞匯：

1. condescending /,kandI`sWndI9/ a. 有優(yōu)越感的，抱恩賜態(tài)度的。

2. punch line: (故事、戲劇、笑話等中的)妙句，關(guān)鍵語。

3. smother /`smV62/ v. 使透不過氣，使窒息。